I care and don’t care all at the same time.

This statement sort of sums up my life right now. It’s kinda like I’m on autopilot, waiting for something to change, happen, or maybe even get better? I’m not sure as of yet. Living with an ex for more than a month after breaking up is, well, trying on me at times. We’re friends and get along most of the time, but alot of little thing that never used to get my pants in a bunch are now creeping up for no reason at all. I don’t know why it’s happening. I’ve been keeping things bottled up in my favorite passive-agressive style, which I know is not good, but what am I to do until June 1st when we move apart from one another? I need to chill out some, bro.

Sister Pants in my mind is seeming more like a selfish pleasure than a band lately. Phil is probably one of the nicest people I know. I don’t care if anyone other than Phil and I like the music. I’m much more interested in smoking out and learning how to hack together little pieces of piano and guitar than being in one of those “hip bands.” I have more interest in having a “set” full of imagery behind us and feeling comfortable playing than I do in actually performing a bunch or having anything meaningful to say. It’s one of those transitions ya go through when ya go from unscrupulous youth to old fogey in a matter of one year.

On the other hand, I do have a rocking out side that caters to the drunks and spastics and rediculous things. It’s bubbling up and will be unleashed sometime this summer, but not in Sister Pants. Sister Pants is more refined (idealistically, at least) and “fancy.” This thing will be layers and layers of postmoderninsm.

I’ve been feeling very tired lately. Ah, the Springsteen references come flooding in (Dancing In The Dark most likely.) I feel like I should be more motivated, and interested in things around me. I feel like I don’t really have any meaningful conversations with anyone. Even if someone talks to me, I just glaze over and BS for a while and then take off early, creating an atmosphere that I’m either a snob, or too lame to say anything truly insightful. I feel bad because I do like talking with people, hell I even just like the fact that someone is paying attention to me. When I do talk, I find myself rambling… no, ranting about whatever topic I’m fixated on at the moment. Later on in the evening I will realize this and be embarassed about it. I also feel turned off by alot of people lately. Maybe it’s past experiences I’ve had with them, or certain expectations I have. Maybe it’s because I’m usually alot older than the people I hang out with. Most people my age are taking care of their newborns or sleeping or watching crappy ass Fox news. None of those things interest me. I don’t think they ever will… at least I hope so. Whatever. Maybe I just need to get laid. It’s frustrating. I think this attitude is a combination of me being in my late 20’s and not having any solid direction in mind with my social or professional life.

Why is my throat always dry? I drink shittons water.

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Written by ray in: life,music |


  • Mike says:

    It’s called spring fever. It’s alright, will be alright, just the way it is. It’s the hunger. Either that or Rick’s rubbing off on you, all that ADD and what-not.

  • ex-wife says:

    Cheer up buttercup the month is almost over.

  • inzane says:

    that bunching of your pants is your libido creeping back up now that u realize u’re allowed to screw around with other women. embrace it!

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