Apr
20
2004

108249722651859088

Currently I’m typing with one new blister and one new bruise on my hands. These are courtesy of sculpture class, specifically, stone carving. Don’t get me wrong, I am in love with stone carving. It is so much fun, but I’m just a little worries that the wrong tap will bust my first piece in half or something. I’m going to take Thursday afternoon off of work so I can bust up iron for the iron pour on Saturday. That’s when I can cast my 4 little Pokemon pieces. Hopefully they’ll come out nicely.

Things are getting hectic like they always do at the end of a semester, but this one will be my last. I’ll miss the everchanging schedule of classes, and the ease of my current job. I’m hoping I get this job on campus as the IT guy for the School of Comm. It pays nice and is a fun job.

This weekend was somewhat stressfull, as the people who recently only get ahold of me for a particular reason that doesn’t make me happy in the first place, got all pissy when respective their households lost my roomate’s DVD and wanted to get some acid from him. Yeah, I dunno the specifics, and rather do not care about them. But if these people were really my friends, would they value the procurement of drugs over my friendship? I guess so. As least I told them I don’t wanna be a middleman for their purchases. They were so needy of this goddamn acid that they bought a DVD set to replace the missing ones, hell I even read that one of them didn’t have ability to come to my house. Although I think it’s pretty much bullshit because my roomate is a pretty awesome dude, and they only have the tunnelvision of seeing him as an old dude who’s overprotective of his stuff and has drugs. I wonder if they would have done the same thing if it was me. I wonder if I’ve ever treated one of my friends like that. I sure hope not, because it felt really shitty being put in a situation like that. It’s also putting me in a bind because not only do I like my roomate, but I like my friends. The problem comes in the fact that these friends also only talk to certain other friends of mine for their need of drugs. Fuck. Do these people know what they are doing? Do they know how they are affecting those around them? Yah, enough whining on my part. It’s shit like this that makes me wanna say fuck it to everyone and just do something on my own. But I hate cutting myself off from everyone, and I love this project I’m working on with everyone, and it’s fucking killing me. Why is it that noone comes over to my house? Have I become that lame and boring? Why is it that none of these people that cosider themselves “open” and “loving” have a thing against my roomate? Fucking wake up already, I need some answers.

I’m pretty sure I’m just getting old and out of touch. I’m prety sure this project will flop because I’m not some hip young wild and crazy thing anymore. I feel old and beat at times. I get tired too early all the time. I don’t wanna go after a relationship, girls or guys. I feel that when people tell me I’m a good guy, that they’re just paying me lip service for some fucking dumbass selfish need. I have little to no people whom I consider a good friend. Maybe I’m just doing something wrong, but fuck if I know what it is. I just want a friend.

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